Congratulations to It's the Great Satan, Charlie Brown! (James Quintong, Mark Franklin, Brian Jenkins, and Al Przygocki), winners of the Big Lots Clearance Open at UT-Chattanooga on 10/17/04. Results follow, after the gratitude adjustment. Thanks go first and foremost to Jeremy White, editor and head writer of FOGHAT, which Big Lots didn't so much mirror as foreshadow this time, and to his collaborators: the redoubtable Ben Lea, new dad Jason Schwengler, guest testers Craig Barker and Rob Wright, and single packet contributors John Kilby and some guy named Charlie who apparently travels a lot. Thanks also to our house readers Keith Hudson, Tom Michael, Dan Nordby, David Lugrin, and Jeremy White himself, who was able to attend Big Lots for the first time. Thanks to Gail Celio, David Moore, and Florida's Jeff Zahnen et al. for help in restocking the Prize Closet of Doom. And thanks to Macon State's Paul McCord and Travis Lightsey, who provided a K-Tel-Hell-style music game, which was won by John Kilby. Gratuitous plug: If you haven't gotten the FOGHAT set for practice or local scrimmages, go get 'em. These questions were unanimously praised by all present for both high quality and high entertainment value. [If you do get them, then you might want to stop reading when you get to the words "GLORIOUSLY WRONG" below, to avoid spoilers.] Anyway, here are the standings as they were pre-playoffs: Team Name Win Loss Points Opp Pts Diff/GM It's the Great Satan, Charlie Brown! (Quintong, Franklin, Jenkins, Przygocki) 9 - 1 3591 1085 250.60 John Woo-Tang Clan (Lee alums + Helton) 9 - 1 3085 1560 152.50 Glucagon with the Wind (UTC) 7 - 3 2210 1580 63.00 TEMOS: The Evil Minions of Stan (Berry alums + Hendry) 7 - 3 3085 1391 169.40 Spider-Sense & Sensibility (Kearney, Clancy, Glover) 6 - 4 1745 2075 -33.00 Santa Monica Van Boys (Florida) 5 - 5 2045 2005 4.00 Doonesburied (Georgia Perimeter College) 5 - 5 2135 1915 22.00 Wait, I'll Go Get a Towel (Macon State) 4 - 6 1601 2056 -45.50 Kazoo Orchestra Rampage (Rhodes) 1 - 9 821 2515 -169.40 All My Children of the Korn (Macon State) 1 - 9 376 2757 -238.10 Al Most & the Not Quite Monarchs (Athens State + Sarah from FL) 1 - 9 796 2551 -175.50 This forced a playoff for the championship, with advantage to It's the Great Satan, Charlie Brown! by virtue of their head-to-head win. Even though their leading scorer had had to leave early, It's the Great Satan won 270-260 on tossup 21, avoiding a shootout and taking first place prize. For this they received matching sets of collectible trading cards, still in the original wrapper, for such memorable cultural icons as National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon, New Kids on the Block, and Saved By the Bell: The New Class. (Or was it The College Years?) Third place went to Glucagon with the Wind by virtue of a memorable head-to-head win over TEMOS: The Evil Minions of Stan -- see speed buzz below. Your genial quizmaster decided to waive any third place match because the prizes for third and fourth, and second for that matter, were virtually identical: cheap kiddie board books featuring Marvel Comics superheroes trying not to be TOO violent. INDIVIDUAL STATS As MVP, Anthony Bush of GPC received the DVD of Glitter. Truly awful books were chosen auction-style by the top ten players below. Player Team # 10 -5 Points Rounds PPG Phil Slackmeyer [Anthony] Doonesburied 87 20 770 10 77.00 James Quintong It's the Great Satan, Charlie Brown! 36 2 350 7 50.00 Peter [Michael] Spider-Sense & Sensibility 57 15 495 10 49.50 Dren Hoek TEMOS: The Evil Minions of Stan 54 12 480 10 48.00 When Doves Fly [Joseph] John Woo-Tang Clan 49 8 450 10 45.00 Circle Jerk of Life [Travis] Wait, I'll Go Get a Towel 43 2 420 10 42.00 Jase [Jeff] Santa Monica Van Boys 44 6 410 10 41.00 Selznick Free Energy [John] Glucagon with the Wind 39 4 370 10 37.00 I Got an Infidel [Mark] It's the Great Satan, Charlie Brown! 39 8 350 10 35.00 Clark Gluon [David] Glucagon with the Wind 38 6 350 10 35.00 Chuck U. Farley [Chris] TEMOS: The Evil Minions of Stan 38 7 345 10 34.50 Joan Allen with a Bigger Part [Stacy] John Woo-Tang Clan 30 5 275 10 27.50 Beelzebubba [Al] It's the Great Satan, Charlie Brown! 25 2 240 10 24.00 Scott [Mike N.] Santa Monica Van Boys 24 2 230 10 23.00 Linus Bin Laden [Brian] It's the Great Satan, Charlie Brown! 26 7 225 10 22.50 Trisexual [Paul] Wait, I'll Go Get a Towel 23 5 205 10 20.50 Ol' Dirty Ike John Woo-Tang Clan 24 9 195 10 19.50 First Kazoo [Catherine] Kazoo Orchestra Rampage 15 1 145 10 14.50 Harry [Matthew] Spider-Sense & Sensibility 14 1 135 10 13.50 Scarlett O'Boson [Nick] Glucagon with the Wind 13 1 125 10 12.50 Eikichi Onizuka, Greatest Teacher in Japan [Andrew] TEMOS: The Evil Minions of Stan 16 7 125 10 12.50 Concertmaster [Andrew] Kazoo Orchestra Rampage 13 2 120 10 12.00 Sexual Innuendo [Vida] Wait, I'll Go Get a Towel 15 7 115 10 11.50 Pepin the Not So Short [D. McHan] Al Most & the Not Quite Monarchs 12 2 110 10 11.00 Cowboy [Mike O.] Santa Monica Van Boys 10 1 95 10 9.50 Pepin Longstocking [Sarah] Al Most & the Not Quite Monarchs 9 1 85 9 9.44 Pepin the Long [J. Overstreet] Al Most & the Not Quite Monarchs 10 2 90 10 9.00 Goat Curse Killer [Bob] All My Children of the Korn 12 7 85 10 8.50 Scotty Pepin [Rivers] Al Most & the Not Quite Monarchs 12 9 75 10 7.50 Second Kazoo [Matthew] Kazoo Orchestra Rampage 9 3 75 10 7.50 Marvin [Rachel] Santa Monica Van Boys 8 1 75 10 7.50 Melanie Hamiltonian [Jacob] Glucagon with the Wind 8 2 70 10 7.00 Thunder God Cid [Scott] TEMOS: The Evil Minions of Stan 8 2 70 10 7.00 Back Door Slut [Brett] All My Children of the Korn 9 6 60 10 6.00 Bathroom Renovatah [Tylere] John Woo-Tang Clan 6 0 60 10 6.00 Herty-Gerty [Sara] Kazoo Orchestra Rampage 5 1 45 10 4.50 Undecided [Amber] All My Children of the Korn 4 1 35 10 3.50 Jane [Megan] Spider-Sense & Sensibility 5 5 25 10 2.50 Lacey Davenport [Mariama] Doonesburied 4 4 20 10 2.00 (insert sexy name here) [Heather] Wait, I'll Go Get a Towel 2 0 20 10 2.00 Richard Davenport [Khalid] Doonesburied 3 5 5 10 0.50 Kavata Matata All My Children of the Korn 1 1 5 10 0.50 OTHER NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENTS Best speed buzz, by definition, was the buzz on round 2, tossup 20 by Jacob Vannucci of Glucagon with the Wind, because: (a) It was his first trash tournament, and only the second round at that. (b) Glucagon trailed TEMOS by 5 points at the time. (c) Jacob buzzed in with the correct answer on zero words, buzzing just after the moderator said "Tossup 20:" (d) All of the above. There was heated competition for the John Drennon Rollins Award for Outstanding Achievement in Buzzer Aggression, with Dren himself taking the bronze medal. Tournament MVP Anthony Bush took gold, followed by Michael Kearney. GLORIOUSLY WRONG AND/OR APPLICATIONS OF EILEEN'S COROLLARY ("If you can't be right, be funny"): Player (Team) Wrong Right Stacy Helton (J. Woo)Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Tiger Woods Back Door Slut (Korn) Mary Kay Lilith Crane ?? (Korn) Sally Struthers Julia Child David M (Glucagon) Orgazmo Kim Possible Rivers (Al Most) The Ten Commandments Stalag 17 ?? (TEMOS) 10 Stalag 17 ?? (TEMOS) Seven-Eleven Six Flags BRAGGING RIGHTS Rd Q# Player Team Answer 5 5 Jeff Z Fla Lincoln Rhyme 5 15 Mark F It's Marat Safin 6 10 James Q It's Billy Kilmer 6 16 Mark F It's Bill Phillips 7 1 Ike Woo Chronicles vol. 1 7 18 Sarah Al 500 Hats of B. Cubbins 8 10 Al It's Eric Cantona 9 9 Michael K SSS The Nails 9 14 David M Glucagon Ride 10 15 Dren TEMOS Doug Dorsey 11 19 Al It's Pamprin
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