First, Id like to say congratulations to Chicago for winning the national championship and thank you to NAQT and Wash U for putting on such a good show. The field was the toughest we faced all year, but NAQT is our best format and I think our showing was respectable. The best part of the tournament for us was Friday night. We were tired after the long drive and had gotten off to a pretty rocky start, going 1-4 against mid-field teams. Then Michigan smashed us 695-15. We were all pretty depressed after that, especially Mike. Hes done pretty well at tournaments this year and was getting pretty proud about it. But after this game was done he just sat there with his buzzer and his head in his hands. You know what the problem is? I asked. He said, Ive been relying on the brain of the flesh. Mike is the only one on the team whos not saved. We always start every year with a pretty diverse crowd, but we make sure to convert all the Jews, Catholics, and heathens before the first tournament. (We deal with Wiccans properly, of course.) But Mike had always said he didnt need to be saved--until now. Having an entire saved team made a real difference the next day. For our first game we anointed each other, our buzzers, and the moderator. I offered to anoint the opposing team as well so we didnt have an unfair advantage. I told the Jew on their team that he could be washed clean of the blood of Jesus by the blood of Jesus, but he still said no. Their next player said, if you touch me, I will ****ing kill you. I think he meant it, so I didnt ask anymore. I think their hearts were touched by the tracts we left them after the game. The last game before lunch was against Maryland. I felt darkness when we entered the room. We were behind by 150 when we stopped for the halftime team prayer. The Maryland team was peeping and muttering the whole time, and when their familiar spirits fled they started screaming in diabolical agony and calling on the names of devils. Help us Gaius! Help us Ramesh! Help us Vishnu! Help us Colvin! Help us Jonnam! Help us Jonnam! That last one must be the name of a particularly ancient and powerful demon, but the name is so loathsome that I cant stand to repeat it. I swear I heard hollow laughter echo from the walls. The last game of ladder play was against Duke. A mascot never fit a school so well. When we felt the dread weight of evil in that room, we dropped to our knees and prayed with all our might. Three of the Duke players started to writhe in pain as the pentagrams carved into their chests glowed red-hot and ran screaming from the room. But their last player just smiled coolly and said, Its so hard to find good servants these days. We played the Antichrist close until halftime, when he started trash-talking us. Bow down! Worship me! he said, but none of us did. Then he powered the next ten tossups and 30d the bonuses. I think Mike was starting to waver--I should have known someone so recently saved should not go head-to-head against the Father of Lies. I looked the Old Worm in the eye and said, Thats nothing. Chicago and Michigan did the same thing to us last year. I could see he was furious, and he said, But can they do this? and transformed himself into a pillar of raging hellfire. At that point the moderator called a forfeit, as Duke was now represented only by their mascot, not by registered students. I think the Quizbowl community needs to discuss the amount of satanic influence on the game. Daniel S.s comments about Darwin are well taken, but thats too narrow a view. Do you realize that the religion questions are almost never about true religion? Instead its one heathen devil or idolatrous papist after another. No one ever asks Are you saved? If it ever comes up, our team will power it. Quizquasay In case of rapture, well have to forfeit (Didnt anyone else see Episode 30 in season 2 of Punky Brewster?)
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