Congratulations to Kathy Najimy Eat World (James Quintong, Phil Groce, Joseph Dion, Jason Russell), winners of the 2002 RC Cola Classic. They survived a tough playoff road, finishing 3rd in their own bracket and having to advance the hard way. Second went to Transverse Axis of Evil (Michael Hawkins, Rebecca Fahrendorf, Keith Hudson, David Moore.) Third was Nine Inch Males (Chris Hendry, Chris Walker, Mark Dawson, and Joe Grimes); fourth was Saucy Daddies (Carol Guthrie, Markus Iturriaga, Bronson Messer, Scotti Whitmire.) Before we go further, though, I owe an apology to Saucy Daddies, who lost in the semifinals based on an erroneous ruling by me. I accepted an equivalent answer that it turns out wasn't equivalent after all. On the other hand, the difference in prizes was not overwhelming. First place received Star Trek: Enterprise action figures; second place got action figures of Pudface, the arch-enemy of Robocop from the Robocop TV series; third place got remarkably unconvincing action figures alleged to be Sonya Blade of Mortal Kombat; and fourth place got action figures of The Pod from the original TV version of Lost in Space. All four teams also received RC Cola, with 2-liter bottles for the winners and a 6-pack of 16 oz. bottles for each of the other three teams. Speaking of prizes, individual honors were plush characters from the rummage bins of Big Lots. We offered 11 of them in Chinese auction style as a form of plush Survivor, to see who nobody would take. The loser was Po of the Teletubbies; it was worthy of note that the other 3 Teletubbies were the last three taken off the table. (The most popular, stolen three times, was Reptar, of course.) Thanks go to house readers Toby Walter, Hing Chan, and Steve Taylor, and of course to UTC's official stats goddess Dorothy Morisch. Thanks also to those who provided freelance questions that made this tournament possible: Miguel Ruiz and Jason Zuffranieri of Arizona State; Craig Barker, Mike Burger, Dave Thorsley of Michigan; Hanson Ho, Brock Stephenson, and Shaun of Simon Fraser U.; Jeremy Hicks and CJ Martinez of Wichita State; Matt Larson of Iowa State, Anthony DeJesus, James Washick, and the folks at Florida. Thanks also go to Chris Hendry for running a very enjoyable K-Tel-Hell-style music game, won on the very last song by Bevill State's Glenn Allen Bobo. Now to the results... The field of 16 was split into two brackets, which meant double byes in each bracket. (We opened up a room with a 10-player buzzer for unofficial free-for-alls by the bye teams.) After the round robin, results were: Team Name Win - Loss Points Opp Pts Diff/GM STRAITBRACKET Transverse Axis of Evil (mixed affiliation) 6 - 1 2135 720 202.14 Pride and Extreme Prejudice (Georgia) 6 - 1 1820 990 118.57 Fusaichi Peja Stojakovic (Emory) 5 - 2 1615 850 109.29 Saucy Daddies (Tennessee alums) 5 - 2 1680 905 110.71 International Hackeybox Brigade (Berry) 2 - 5 785 1270 -69.29 Red Rocket (UTC) 2 - 5 385 1830 -206.43 Barney Gumbel's Bastard Kids (South Georgia) 1 - 6 430 1105 -96.43 Saved By Zero Mostel (Bevill State CC) 1 - 6 560 1740 -168.57\ FULL METAL BRACKET Nine Inch Males (Georgia State alums + 1 from Florida) 7 - 0 2000 835 166.43 Kathy Najimy Eat World (mixed affiliation) 5 - 2 2305 1075 175.71 Henry Ford's Bitch (Berry alums) 5 - 2 1475 810 95.00 What's the Frequency, Pontiff? (South Florida) 4 - 3 1470 1135 47.86 Blaine Players (local players) 4 - 3 1100 1270 -24.29 Papa Coach's Nut House (South Georgia) 2 - 5 735 1370 -90.71 Gladys' Night and the Pimps (Wallace State CC) 1 - 6 505 1640 -162.14 Bobo's Bevill Bridesmaids (Bevill State CC) 0 - 7 220 1675 -207.86 With so many ties to be broken by head-to-head, we went to an unorthodox choice for the playoffs: seven teams, all those with records of 5-2 or better, made the playoffs. The team with the best record (Nine Inch Males) got a bye in the quarterfinals. Here are playoff results: QUARTERFINALS Saucy Daddies def. Henry Ford's Bitch 200-155 Transverse Axis of Evil def. Fusaichi Peja Stojakovic 230-161 Kathy Najily Eat World def. Pride and Extreme Prejudice 166-26 SEMIFINALS Transverse Axis of Evil def. Saucy Daddies 230-215 Kathy Najimy Eat World def. Nine Inch Males 295-125 FINAL Kathy Najimy Eat World def. Transverse Axis of Evil, 270-205 Now for the individual results... All-Star honors went to the top 10 scorers. Other award winners were Anna Courington of Gladys' Night and the Pimps, Title IX All-Star; Eric Emmett of Henry Ford's Bitch, best speed buzz; and Phil Groce of Kathy Najimy Eat World, most gloriously wrong neg. (The correct answer: Bette Davis. Phil's answer: Pink Floyd's The Wall.) Full individual stats: Player Team # 10 -5 Points Rounds PPG Keith Hudson Transverse Axis of Evil 33 2 320 6 53.33 Steve Bahnaman Fusaichi Peja Stojakovic 34 7 305 7 43.57 Fred Garvin (Male Prostitute) Henry Ford's Bitch 36 13 295 7 42.14 Jake Armstrong Fusaichi Peja Stojakovic 30 3 285 7 40.71 Dr. Cornelius Fudge (Brian) Pride and Extreme Prejudice 29 4 270 7 38.57 Hing Fan What's the Frequency, Pontiff? 29 4 270 7 38.57 Stretch Armstrong (Mark) Nine Inch Males 28 3 265 7 37.86 Little Boy Papa Coach's Nut House 30 8 260 7 37.14 Stacy Helton Blaine Players 27 3 255 7 36.43 Micheal Hawkins Transverse Axis of Evil 24 6 210 6 35.00 Jimmy Olsen Kathy Najimy Eat World 25 5 225 7 32.14 Cee-Lo (Bronson) Saucy Daddies 24 4 220 7 31.43 Pope John XXIII What's the Frequency, Pontiff? 22 2 210 7 30.00 Jimmy Piersall Kathy Najimy Eat World 23 5 205 7 29.29 Priscilla Presley (Anna) Gladys' Night and the Pimps 22 3 205 7 29.29 Jimmy Q Kathy Najimy Eat World 22 3 205 7 29.29 Dr. Funk (Mark) Pride and Extreme Prejudice 22 4 200 7 28.57 He-Man (Joe) Nine Inch Males 21 5 185 7 26.43 (Ryan) Dorky McCanada International Hackeybox Brigade 17 3 155 6 25.83 Boudicea (Carol) Saucy Daddies 20 4 180 7 25.71 Ephiny (Scotti) Saucy Daddies 18 2 170 7 24.29 Kevin Bartolomucci Blaine Players 16 1 155 7 22.14 (Mike) Master of the Russian Chain Match Barney Gumbel's Bastard Kids 16 10 110 5 22.00 Rebecca Fahrendorf Transverse Axis of Evil 13 0 130 6 21.67 Jim Sanford Saved By Zero Mostel 11 1 105 5 21.00 Yves Adele Harlow (Gail) Pride and Extreme Prejudice 14 1 135 7 19.29 (Melisa) The Kilted Bandit International Hackeybox Brigade 9 0 90 5 18.00 Obi-Wan Kenobi (Chris W.) Nine Inch Males 13 2 120 7 17.14 Toad Jr. Henry Ford's Bitch 14 5 115 7 16.43 Buzz Lightyear (Chris H.) Nine Inch Males 12 2 110 7 15.71 The Dark Prince of Love What's the Frequency, Pontiff? 10 1 95 7 13.57 Googlewhack (Markus) Saucy Daddies 10 2 90 7 12.86 G. A. Bobo Saved By Zero Mostel 9 1 85 7 12.14 John Red Rocket 8 2 70 6 11.67 (Laura) Llyodd Llewellyn Welsh Luberdfisher International Hackeybox Brigade 7 1 65 6 10.83 Tiffany Ballinger Saved By Zero Mostel 7 1 65 6 10.83 Jimmy James Kathy Najimy Eat World 8 2 70 7 10.00 Biggus Dikkus Papa Coach's Nut House 4 0 40 5 8.00 Daniel Lay Saved By Zero Mostel 4 0 40 5 8.00 Spank Monkey Henry Ford's Bitch 8 5 55 7 7.86 Skeletor (Jeff) Pride and Extreme Prejudice 6 1 55 7 7.86 Blake Rollo Bobo's Bevill Bridesmaids 2 1 15 2 7.50 Skanky Yankee Henry Ford's Bitch 7 4 50 7 7.14 Liz Usher Bobo's Bevill Bridesmaids 6 2 50 7 7.14 (Cabbott) Badfish of the Wicker Hat Barney Gumbel's Bastard Kids 4 1 35 5 7.00 (Christy) The Baroness von Erlanger of Liechtenstein International Hackeybox Brigade 5 2 40 6 6.67 Jonathan Red Rocket 3 0 30 5 6.00 Wally Red Rocket 4 1 35 6 5.83 Laura White Fusaichi Peja Stojakovic 4 0 40 7 5.71 Shannon Red Rocket 3 0 30 6 5.00 (Justin) Gasa no ingasa noncoloo coloo- x International Hackeybox Brigade 3 2 20 5 4.00 Long Duk Dong Papa Coach's Nut House 3 2 20 5 4.00 David Transverse Axis of Evil 2 0 20 5 4.00 Bill Bolen Blaine Players 4 3 25 7 3.57 Will Sturtevant Blaine Players 3 1 25 7 3.57 Jesse Pribbenow Bobo's Bevill Bridesmaids 5 5 25 7 3.57 Opie (Josh) Gladys' Night and the Pimps 6 8 20 7 2.86 Fat Man Papa Coach's Nut House 2 0 20 7 2.86 Will Armstrong Fusaichi Peja Stojakovic 3 2 20 7 2.86 Tim Homan Bobo's Bevill Bridesmaids 2 1 15 6 2.50 Let Me Hit It (Darrell) Gladys' Night and the Pimps 2 1 15 7 2.14 (J. R.) Mother Lover Barney Gumbel's Bastard Kids 1 0 10 5 2.00 Zaphod Beeblebrox What's the Frequency, Pontiff? 1 0 10 7 1.43 Jonathan Dotson Bobo's Bevill Bridesmaids 1 1 5 5 1.00 Hung Lika a Mule (Tim) Gladys' Night and the Pimps 0 0 0 4 0.00 Damn Yankee (Christine) Gladys' Night and the Pimps 0 0 0 3 0.00 (Jonathan) Deus Tenno Barney Gumbel's Bastard Kids 0 1 -5 5 -1.00
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