Members of the first place team at Saturday's Muck Masters tournament received videos along the lines of Battlefield: Earth and Xanadu. I've repressed the other titles in my memory already. 2nd place received novels by people who should know better -- G. Gordon Liddy, Joan Collins, Patti Davis, and Billy Dee Williams. 3rd place *should have* received [hey, guys, I found the bag!] Greatest Hits cassettes by acts without enough hits to justify the cassette -- in fact, in some cases they had a different group's hits on the other side. Title IX All-Star Gail Celio received a serious sociological study of phallic symbols. Other honorees included Anthony DeJesus for scariest speed buzz (getting Nothing but Trouble on a character name), Slade Gilmer for most gloriously wrong answer (Sweeney Todd for Nick Rivers), and James Washick for the trashiest of our many bragging rights (James was the only player to get the tossup on Goober and the Ghost Chasers.) Others getting bragging rights -- a stat UTC invented to recognize the one person at a tournament who gets a particular tossup: Jason Zuffranieri, twice (Bernie Federko and pogo.com), Wesley Mathews (Maximum Exposure), Keith Hudson (Tracy Caulkins), Mark Franklin (Glenn "Fireball" Roberts), Jeremy White (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Coming Out of Their Shells Tour), Mark Dawson (Hamilton Beach), Mica Hilson (Young Person's Guide to Becoming a Rock Star), Slade Gilmer (Vernon Forrest), and Scotti Whitmire (Meat Beat Manifesto, for which Steve Bahnaman gave the memorable guess "spankin' the Proletariat.") The top 10 scorers received... well, some of the most hideous audiocassettes in the history of magnetic media. Artists represented included John Tesh, Zamfir, Richard Clayderman, and Justin Wilson -- yes, the late Cajun chef. For my taste the one that promised the least was the cassette "We Love the Tubbies," by some studio orchestra covering Teletubbies songs. That's right, folks -- a Teletubbies tribute band. Here are individual stats: Player Team # 10 -5 Points Rounds PPG Mica Hilson, Neil Reed Appreciation Society 58 9 535 10 53.50 Yma Sumac (Robert Trent), Yma Sumac Daddy 53 3 515 10 51.50 James Quintong, 37 Pieces of Ric Flair 51 7 475 10 47.50 Conspiracy Brothers (Jason Zuffranieri), The Red Stripes (Hooray Punks) 46 3 445 10 44.50 Keith Hudson, Are You There, God? It's Me, Mothra 39 0 390 10 39.00 Stacy Helton, 37 Pieces of Ric Flair 34 2 330 10 33.00 U. B. Illin' (Joseph Dion), Run DMC Thomas Howell 36 8 320 10 32.00 Steve Bahnaman, Radio Free Gondwanaland 38 6 350 11 31.82 Jeremy White, Are You There, God? It's Me, Mothra 34 6 310 10 31.00 Craig Sandberg, Idiot Savant (Dren Rollins), Ollie Hoopnoodle's Team of Bliss 41 22 300 10 30.00 Smart Brother (Doug Grote), The Red Stripes (Hooray Punks) 31 3 295 10 29.50 Arturo "Soul Man" Toscanini (Scott Sanders), Run DMC Thomas Howell 30 2 290 10 29.00 Mark Dawson, Muck the Fasters 31 8 270 10 27.00 Biggie Solo (Slade Gilmer), Intergalactic Pimpadelic Jedi Masters Inc. 30 8 260 10 26.00 Jerry Hagen, Neil Reed Appreciation Society 29 6 260 10 26.00 The Chief (Miguel Ruiz), The Red Stripes (Hooray Punks) 28 7 245 10 24.50 Sir Alger Hiss (Brian Jenkins), Robin & the Seven Hoods (w/4 on vacation) 28 8 240 10 24.00 Chris Walker, Muck the Fasters 25 3 235 10 23.50 Stormy Waters (Andrew Swallom) , Ollie Hoopnoodle's Team of Bliss 22 1 215 10 21.50 Phil Groce, 37 Pieces of Ric Flair 22 3 205 10 20.50 Gail Celio, Are You There, God? It's Me, Mothra 21 2 200 10 20.00 Plava Laguna (Scotti Whitmire), Yma Sumac Daddy 20 1 195 10 19.50 Anthony deJesus, 37 Pieces of Ric Flair 20 2 190 10 19.00 Jake Armstrong, Radio Free Gondwanaland 22 6 190 11 17.27 Cheetara (Kevin Crawford), The Thundercats 22 10 170 10 17.00 Bony Poy (Jason Russell), Run DMC Thomas Howell 16 1 155 10 15.50 John Kilby, Christopher Walken on Sunshine 17 0 170 11 15.45 My Adidas (James Washick), Run DMC Thomas Howell 16 2 150 10 15.00 Robin HMS Hood (Robin Richards), Robin & the Seven Hoods (w/4 on vacation) 18 9 135 9 15.00 Sistah Girl (Eileen Steinhice), The Red Stripes (Hooray Punks) 15 0 150 10 15.00 Lion-o (Mike Musgrove), The Thundercats 21 15 135 10 13.50 Nana Mousskouri (Carol Guthrie), Yma Sumac Daddy 16 6 130 10 13.00 Heino (Marcus Iturriaga), Yma Sumac Daddy 11 1 105 10 10.50 Little John Ward (Mark Franklin), Robin & the Seven Hoods (w/4 on vacation) 15 9 105 10 10.50 Alysia Vrailas, Are You There, God? It's Me, Mothra 10 1 95 10 9.50 Coach Z (Scott Sherman), Ollie Hoopnoodle's Team of Bliss 9 3 75 10 7.50 Will Armstrong, Radio Free Gondwanaland 8 2 70 11 6.36 Ma$e Windu (Chris Pace), Intergalactic Pimpadelic Jedi Masters Inc. 11 10 60 10 6.00 Wally Edmondson, Christopher Walken on Sunshine 7 2 60 11 5.45 KC, Radio Free Gondwanaland 6 0 60 11 5.45 Mannie-Wan Kenobi (Adam Pace), Intergalactic Pimpadelic Jedi Masters Inc. 3 2 20 5 4.00 Will Scarlett O'Hara (Jad Johnson), Robin & the Seven Hoods (w/4 on vacation) 3 2 20 6 3.33 Boba Sparxxx (Jeremy Brown), Intergalactic Pimpadelic Jedi Masters Inc. 5 5 25 10 2.50 Muddy Mudskipper (Eric Emmett), Ollie Hoopnoodle's Team of Bliss 6 7 25 10 2.50 Shannon Moore, Christopher Walken on Sunshine 4 3 25 11 2.27 Wesley Mathews, Neil Reed Appreciation Society 2 0 20 10 2.00 Tigra (Hing Chan), The Thundercats 2 2 10 10 1.00 Silkk the Skywalker (Brandon Sykes), Intergalactic Pimpadelic Jedi Masters Inc. 0 0 0 5 0.00 French Friar Tuck (Ryan Wilson), Robin & the Seven Hoods (w/4 on vacation) 0 0 0 5 0.00 Panthr-o (Josh Braswell), The Thundercats 0 0 0 10 0.00
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