So here it is, gentlemen...four midwestern women felt that it was high time we let the rest of America know what sort of throbbing, unfettered male sexuality may be found on the midwestern college bowl circuit, so with no further ado, we unveil our: TOP TEN MEN IN MIDWESTERN COLLEGE BOWL Here are our criteria: 1. Intelligence and ability: we are strongly committed to the philosophy that smart==sexy (and are also very sensitive to allegations of male objectification, so we want you to know that intellectualism is paramount). We believe that the sexiest college bowlers are *always* the best ones. 2. Charisma: how do the sexiest men carry themselves? How do they speak? What topics interest them? How funny (humorous) are they? 3. Iconoclasm: we do NOT want standard-issue, missionary- position-only men. We look for (sexually and other- wise) unconventional men, who know a little math, a little physics, a little music, and a little Thomas Hardy. We pick ones we suspect would be good kissers, adventurous lovers, and in for some reading of the Marquis de Sade. We are girl-on-top women. We can both dominate and be dominated, and that's what we expect of the sexiest men in college bowl. 4. Mystery: the singularly attractive men are those who are impervious to the desires and methods of mere mortals. We seek, therefore, men who look like they can't be won over; like they're too busy to care; and like they are too entrenched in projects of profound creative magnitude to be distracted by a ham-handed seductrix. We shall hereafter refer to this quality as the "Sherlock Holmes Factor." First, we provide you: THE HONORABLE MENTIONS These are men who unquestionably command our attention; they comprise a vital part of our top-sixteen list. 1. Greg Lindsay, University of Illinois--he knows his Moliere, and we swoon over his curly locks. 2. Robert Trent, University of Iowa--oh yeah, the boy can play. Not only that, but he's fluent in Japanese and Portuguese, has a wicked sense of humour, and a terrific, high-strung bitchiness. Amen, sisters. 3. James Anderson, University of Illinois--He gave John Sheahan a serious run for his money at ISUBAD. Talk about knowing a little math, a little physics, and a little Hardy. Wow. 4. Chris Mayfield, Iowa State University--the MST3K notwithstanding, we MUST fall for those who understand both quantum mechanics and James Joyce. 5. Rob Shimmin, University of Illinois--Very cute. Very smart. Very good. 6. Scott Coon, University of Illinois--He loves Indian food and "high passed" his real analysis PhD qualifiers, and nailed a Goedel question three words in. We dig that.
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